August 2 was a joyous day for us when our son Joel joyfully married Christina. At the rehearsal dinner Russ and I shared with the happy couple choices we have made over the past 27 years that have produced a deeply satisfying and cherished marriage. This special relationship didn't just happen. We intentionally have chosen to...
Spoil each other. Going beyond expectations keep our marriage full of joy and romance. Russ treats me like a queen and I do all I can to make his life special. Since his stroke he is not able to do all the things he used to. He desperately wants to make my life easier so he learned how to squeeze toothpaste from the tube and prepares my toothbrush as well as his own.
Memorize I Corinthians 13:4-7. We like the New Living Translation. When I'm not feeling very loving, God reminds me of what love truly is. It gives me focus. Regardless of how I feel, I can choose to be patient, choose to not be irritable, or choose to forget an offense.
4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
Keep short accounts. We have chosen to never finish a day with hostility towards each other. By apologizing, offering forgiveness, or just making things right as quickly as possible, a root of bitterness never has time to develop.
Post wedding vows. We have our vows framed and on the wall in our bedroom. Frequently we read them over and remind ourselves what we promised each other on July 21, 1984.
Learn each other's love languages. While all five love languages–words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch–communicate love, we have learned what each other most appreciate.
Express thanks often. Russ thanks me for every single meal I prepare with a kiss on the back of my neck. We are liberal with our thanks and choose not to take each other for granted.
Let traditions develop naturally. We have plenty–love notes in each fresh jar of peanut butter, an ongoing argument about who got the prize on our wedding day, and riding a train every December 28 so Russ can tell me he loves me just as he did the first time back on a train on December 28, 1983. (For the record...I got the prize! Russ is truly God's gift to me!)
Turn potential irritations into something fun. When we were first married, Russ was helping me by drying dishes. He reached right in front of me without warning to put away a sharp knife. It was a dangerous thing to do and frankly...irritating. I appreciated his heart and didn't want to be upset at my new husband who was trying to be helpful. I told him if he would warn me and put the knife away safely, I would give him a kiss. 27 years later he is still collecting kisses for knives safely put away whether he puts them away or I do. During his 8-month hospitalization I would visit him and report on how many knives I'd safely put away and collect on my reward. By the way, if you help with dishes at our house, don't even think of drying the knives. Those are reserved for us.
Be honest. Rather than holding back or speaking carelessly, speak the truth in love.
Never joke about divorce. Marriage is sacred and so before we got married we decided we would never joke about divorce anymore than we would joke about communion or Jesus' death. It is too sacred to take lightly. We have lots of fun in our marriage, but that's one thing we just won't kid about.
We aren't perfect people so we mess up sometimes. But these choices have really worked for us. Again today the Japanese nurse at the care center who was helping us commented several times on how perfect we are for each other. Isn't God good?!
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